The Naruto Nutcracker Ballet
by djkenna444
Summary: One Shot  Crack Fic  Plot provided by whatever composer originally wrote The Nutcracker. I should google this. Dialog provided by me! The following is Naruhina and contains Sakura bashing. Merry CHRISTmas Happy Christmahanakwanzaka! Enjoy


It's a cozy Christmas Eve at the Hyuga house. Their house was decorated with Christmas ornaments, wreaths, stockings, mistletoe and in the center of it all, a majestic Christmas tree. As the Hyuga's prepare for their annual Christmas party, their children, Neji and Hinata, waited anxiously for their family and friends to arrive. When the guests finally appear, the party picked up with dancing and celebration. A mysterious guest arrived dressed in dark clothing, and nearly frightened Hinata, but not Neji. Neji knows its Godfather Jiraiya, the toymaker.  
>"You scared?" Neji asked laughing at Hinata.<br>"No I'm use to people in dark coats sneaking up behind me." She retaliated.  
>"So what'd you bring us?" They both asked smiling from ear to ear.<br>His surprise arrival is warmly accepted and all the children danced and carried on with laughter. The celebration was interrupted again when Jiraiya reveals to the children that he brought them gifts.

"Is it gonna be coal again?" Neji asked, "I had to take a bath for three hours last year. And it wasn't 'fun yeah bubbles bath time', it was AWW there they're scrubbing me to death bath time."

"Ah yes, good times." Hinata reminisced, "Please be coal."

"I thought you liked me."

"HAHAHAHA! He said 'liked' and referred to himself at the same time!" Kiba laughed.

"Hey these cookies are shaped like bugs! Yay Christmas Creepy Crawlies!" Shino shouted.

"They're not supposed to be bugs, there ginger bread men." Ino said with a sad look on her face, "I made them myself."

"Well they look terrible but taste great," said Shikamaru not even eating a cookie.

"Uuuhh, kids I got you something much better than those cookies, "Jiraiya said choking then turning to Ino, "Oh those were- anyway."

The girls received beautiful china dolls and the boys got bugles. Neji was given a beautiful drum, but Hinata was given the best gift of all, a Nutcracker. Neji became jealous, and snatched the Nutcracker from Hinata and plays a game of toss with the other boys.  
>"I don't like nuts!"<br>"Give it back or I'll send you to hell, where coal is the currency!" Hinata ordered using the Sakura Stair. It didn't take long for the Nutcracker to break.  
>"Ah Sakura did it. It is not my fault. Gravity and the combined help of Sakura did it." Neji tried, in vain.<br>"Shut up Neji. Stop blaming things on me. Can't you see I'm devising a plan to get Sasuke under the mistletoe?"  
>"Yeah. . . . Good luck with that. You know what would help? Holding your breath, he'll come in no time," advised Neji.<br>"Neji! Your sister(cousin),"Ten Ten reminded him.  
>"I'm sorry I didn't mean it."<br>"Is that why you were throw him in the air yelling, 'I can't wait to break him! Oo oo we can burn him too!'" Hinata said crying with anger.  
>Hinata was upset, but Jiraiya fixed it with a handkerchief. Jiraiya's nephew offered Hinata a small make-shift bed under the Christmas tree for her injured Nutcracker.<br>"Wait you have a bed for the nut cracking specialist? Does he come with a dream house too?" Kiba joked.  
>"Hey, Hinata, I think <em>The<em>_Nephew_ likes you!" Sakura said, but Hinata ignored her.  
>"Hey I know what Hinata's thinking. Sakura its Christmas give us the gift of silence," said Tamari. The party grows late and the children became sleepy.<br>"I'm not sleepy, just drunk. I don't wanna go to bed." Neji said as they carried him to bed.  
>Everyone generously thanked the Hyuga's before they leave. As Hinata's family retired to bed, she checked on her Nutcracker one last time and ended up falling asleep under the Christmas tree with the Nutcracker in her arms.<p>

At the stroke of midnight Hinata woke up to a frightening scene. The house, the tree and the toys were getting larger.  
>"I think I am drunk. But on the up side I'm gettin some big awesome presents. Ka-chigga!"<br>Out of nowhere large mice dressed in Sound uniforms, lead by, Orochimaru, the Mouse King, began to circle the room while the toys and Christmas tree come to life.  
>"Oh yeah! Orochimaru's got a heart beat; now to take over the Soul Society, or what ever." The Mouse King said. Hinata's Nutcracker grathered the soldier toys into battle formation and fought the mouse army.<br>"Oh no I'm trapped in the G.I. Joe movie! Toys are taking over the world!"

Orochimaru traped the Nutcracker in the corner, but the Nutcracker can't overcome Orochimaru's strength.  
>"Ha! Ha! You gonna get rapped," said Orochimaru.<br>"But-but I'm not Sasuke!" The Nutcracker said struggling.  
>"Wait, why I am sitting here like Sakura? I can do things!" Hinata thought out loud. Hinata makes a desperate move to save her Nutcracker from defeat by throwing her slipper at Orochimaru. She hit him directly in the head! The Nutcracker was able to overcome the stunned Orochimaru and claimed victory," Yeah that's right taste my Pay Less fury. You want some 50% off?"<br>The mice army quickly carried away their King.

"It normally takes longer too get rid of Orochimaru. He must be having a bad day." The Nutcracker thought.  
>Meanwhile, "I'm having a really bad day!" The Mouse King said to his men.<br>Hinata fell onto the Nutcracker's bed, over-whelmed by the moment. As angels and delightful music hovered over their heads, the bed turned into a magical sleigh, floating higher and higher. The Nutcracker was transformed into a human prince (who looks strikingly similar to Jiraiya's nephew). He got on Hinata's sleigh and drove through a snowy forest where the snowflakes turn into dancing maidens. (That paragraph was a little dirty; I got some That's-what-she/he-said jokes out of that paragraph)

"I am drunk- the snow, it's dancing. Oh. What's your name?" Hinata asked smiling.  
>"Naruto." He answered.<br>"Ahh, it's cold!"  
>"Shut it Sakura. We told you to put tights on under it." Ten Ten said to Sakura.<br>"But then Sasuke-"  
>"Don't even finish that sentence," said Ten Ten, "It's like I don't know, you think he cares or something."<br>"Why would you say something like that!" Sakura responded as they floated down.  
>"Because it's true, do you really think Sasuke would come out here in the cold to see your underwear!" she answered reaching the ground," That, would burn his corneas. It burns mine just thinking about it!"<br>"Wow I can't believe this! Are you ok?" Hinata asked Naruto.  
>"Yeah, it's just my corneas." He answered rubbing his eyes franticly.<br>After their magical journey through the snow forest, they came to their destination in the Land of Sweets. Hinata couldn't believe her eyes, ladyfinger mountains topped with whipped cream whiter than snow, sweetly glazed flowers and butter-cream frosting everywhere she looked.  
>"THIS PLACE COULD FEED ALL OF AFRICA!" She exclaimed, "I've spontaneously become hungry!"<br>"The worms are made of roman," said Naruto amazed, and picking one up, "They'er so cute."  
>"AHHH O GOD WHY!" said the worm with his last breath.<br>Upon their arrival, they are greeted by Tamari, the Sugar Plum Fairy. As they reenact the night's events, the Sugar Plum Fairy was impressed with Hinata's bravery and the Nutcracker's heroism.  
>"The Sugar Plum Fairy is impressed," Tamari said," Sugar Plum Fairy don't impress easy."<p>

"Then he tries to _sucker__spoon__me_, and I went _BAM_ like _HHAH_! But, in the end, 50% off flats save the day," Naruto said holding Hinata.  
>In their honor, the Sugar Plum Fairy took them inside the Candy Castle and threw a lavish festival.<br>"Yay! Lavish festival!" Kiba shouted," Lee, drink nothing but water. You remember the last lavish festival? You got drunk and the Candy Castle came down!"

"Oh yeah, but it's just Fruit Punch." Lee said.

"But it down, last time Tamari put you in the hospital until Cinco de Mayo."

"Yeah, your right, can I get Vitamin Water?"

"H-naw, that's an energy drink. You don't need more energy!"

"Wow you must really care about me Kiba."

"No we just don't wanna get caught in the crossfire." Sasuke responded.

"Couldn't have said it better myself," said Kiba.

"No, no you could've."  
>They are treated like royalty and presented with every imaginable sweet. Shortly thereafter, the dancing begins. Hot coco danced to the lively music of trumpets and castanets of the Spanish fandango. The women of coffee danced in veils and move their bodies like rising steam to an Arabian song, while Mandarin tea danced to an exotic Asian flute chorus.<p>

"WOW! I didn't know Jennifer Lopez lived in Candy Land!" Naruto said astonished.

"Me either." Neji agreed from back stage as helped the next act.

Matroishkas (Russian dolls) followed the Mandarin tea leaping and dancing to an invigorating Russian Trepak.

"Go dolls that no one can pronounce," Sasuke cheered.

"Those dolls look creepy." Hinata giggled quietly to Naruto.

"Yeah, like those glass dolls, with the eyes that follow you," he agreed," and they kill yah in your sleep, but the cops never fine out it's the doll cuz, it's a doll."

"Yeah, what happened to all the black people?" Hinata asked as she looked around.

"I think they stepped outside for a sec," he answered. "They'll be back after this act I'm sure."

"Oh, that's good."

To Hinata's enjoyment there was still more to be seen. A giant gingerbread house, known as Mother Ginger, or Ino, danced onto the Sugar Plum Fairy's court.

"What happened to Ino?" Sasuke asked Shino taking the frosting off his cheeks and licking it, "yumm!"

"She _spontaneously_ got food poisoning," he answered rubbing his eyes franticly," So Sakura is filling in.

"Are you ok, dude?"

"Yeah, it's just my corneas"

Sasuke looked up," Aww! Son of a water bender, I can't see anymore! My corneas! Oh God why, save me!" She opened her skirt and eight little gingerbread children came dancing and out circled around her.

"AIR! Thank you Lord!" They all said.

"Freedom!"

After the Mirliton dance was over, the children quickly filed back into the large gingerbread house and Mother Ginger left the room.

"No you can't make me go back in there!" Sasuke said being dragged by Kiba and Shino," Child abuse! Child abuse!

Soon after Mother Ginger exits, the dancing flowers enter to the tune of the harp. Perhaps the most beautiful waltz she has ever heard, Hinata and the Nutcracker Prince watched with amazement. The flowers danced in beautiful mesmerizing patterns as a single Dewdrop floats above them.

Silence quickly followed the end of their dance. Hinata didn't know what to expect next. A handsome Cavalier named Shikamaru enters the scene and escorts Tamari, the Sugar Plum Fairy, to the center of the room.

"What are you doing here?" She asked faking a smile," What happened to Neji?"

"Ahh, he _spontaneously_ got food poisoning. I'm filling in for him." He answered.

"She's gonna kick his _ass_when this is over. He's got his hands on her butt," Kiba laughed," Sasuke, Neji, Ino, you guys holdin up okay?"  
>"Ino, stop hogging the barff bag," Sasuke said snatching the bag.<br>"Shikamaru move your hands or die!" Tamari demanded," NOT LOWER!"

They danced to the most recognizable song in the entire work. The captivating pair danced lighter than air. This beautiful dance completes Hinata's most perfect evening. The festival concluded when everyone came together on the court and bid Hinata and the Nutcracker Prince, farewell.  
>"I wish the adventure would never end." Hinata said.<br>"It won't for those who have an eye to see it." Naruto said holding her tight.  
>Hinata woke up the next morning under the Christmas tree with her Nutcracker still in her arms.<p> 


End file.
